Q&A, 2009-09-11

Κλασερίνα says:
Ερώτηξις: όταν δε γουστάρεις κάποιον και ξαφνικά αρχίζεις να τον ψιλογουστάρεις τι σημαίνει;

Ζόιντμπεργκ says:
Σημαίνει ότι έγινε πραξικόπημα στην Ονδούρα.

Spotting Quiz: July 23, 2009

It’s barely 10 A.M. and I’m already having a terrible day. I dislocated my right knee a couple of days and it’s feeling more sore today than it was yesterday. I must have slept crooked or something (or at least done weird gymnastics in my sleep) because my left shoulder's in pain.

I asked for an espresso freddo at the coffee shop and got a cappuccino freddo instead. The crazy bag lady sitting next to me in the metro stank of sweaty oranges, so I changed seats, but, naturally, I could smell the sweaty oranges even more from a distance.

My sister’s off work for a couple of days, so I have to deal with all the silly stuff; today’s Technology Breakdown Day, so I think I’ve slowly been developing a high blood pressure over the course of the last couple of hours and I’ve got another six hours to go.

AND fuckin’ Facebook decided today might be the best possible day to pull maintenance on my profile – who the fuck needs to release stress, huh? Not I! (Pretend my eye’s not twitching. Seriously. I dare you.)

At least, I got a chance to work through five days of neglected RSS feeds, and I came across the following gem.

Can you spot the ten disturbing elements in this picture?

I await your answers!

“(No Subject)”

From: Senator Tawar Wada (tawarwada.office@gmail.com)
Sent: Sunday, July 05, 2009 12:45:01 AM
To:

SENATOR TAWAR WADA
NATIONAL ASSEMBLY COMPLEX
ABUJA, NIGERIA.

Attn

My name is SENATOR TAWAR WADA, Former Chairman of FINANCE AND APPROPRIATION NOW CHAIRMAN ON SENATE COMMITTEE ON INFORMATION in the Senate National Assembly of the Federal Republic of Nigeria.

You can view my information on this is http://www.nassnig.org/senate/members.php?page=7

I am writing you to earnestly Solicit for your assistance in helping to receive some funds into your account for safe investment. I got your e-mail address through an Internet marketing firm while searching for
a reliable and reputable person to handle this transaction.

Details Of Funds

We have the sum of US$29,000,000.00 (Twenty-Nine Million Dollars) that we intend to transfer overseas through the assistance of a foreign partner.This money came as a result of Over provision in the budget for unclaimed pension and accident insurance.This over provision was done by my committee, but all payments have been made to beneficiaries leaving behind the over budgeted amount of US$29,000,000.00 which is deposited in the Nigeria Deposit Bank here in Nigeria.

I have agreed to transfer the funds overseas for my campaign funding and other investment purposes with your help. I am contacting you therefore, to stand in as the beneficiary to process this fund into your custody, As soon as you consent to this I will immediately send you title documents to the fund in your name so you can make claim for it.

I will provide you with 30% for assisting me and 10% to be set aside for reimbursement for any expenses that may arise during the course of concluding the transaction. The fund shall be transferred to you legally in accordance to all laid down procedures governing transfer of funds,I have perfected all modalities for the successful transfer of this money to you as the beneficiary.

Finally, I have to reassure you that this transaction is risk free and should be kept absolutely confidential, Presently you can reach me by return mail, you should also include your telephone numbers if any, for secured communication between us Please send a mail to my mail box to indicate your interest to enable me proceed with the documentation.

Please when replying this mail endeavour to put the following details.Full Name,Full addresses(including state,city,Post) ,24hours phone number and occupation.You can also reach me on my phone number anytime which is below my name.I will send you my personal details and further directive on how to go about this funds transfer when you must have reply this mail

Thank you for your anticipated cooperation. I await your response.

---

Esteemed Senator Wada,

I am most honored and exuberant that you have selected my humble personage from among the multitudes of internet users. This opportunity will provide for all my dreams, and those of my children, and my children’s children. Quite possibly even their children, too.

My full name is Blanche Marie Elizabeth Hollingsworth Devereaux and I currently reside at 6151 Richmond Street, Miami, FL. You can reach me at all hours on telephone number (305) 328-7448, and I am the owner of The Golden Palace Hotel.

Yours sincerely,

B. M. E. Deveraux

"Done getting to know myself...‏"

From: Sophia N (ferreira@kernfarm.com)
Sent: Saturday, July 04, 2009 3:39:16 PM
To: a bunch of people

Hi there

Love is like heaven, but it can hurt like hell.

I like adventures, and enjoy opening new feelings and emotions. I am open-minded and easy going girl. I think I have a strong personality. I have very good family. I am serious, reasonable, and reliable but at the same time I am sociable, friendly and I like to meet new people who can always give me some good advice and share their experience.

I like to read classical and modern literature, I also like going in for different kinds of sport and to teach other people how to keep feet. I am the woman who is able to love all soul! I like nature and the sea, spending time outside. I have diverse interests.

My dream is to meet a nice guy, who I will fall in love with and who will love me back.

Person to have a beautiful and cosy time with.

I am here http://best-only-love.com/great/

Sincerely yourth
Sofy

---

Hello there, Thofy!

I was always told that love is like a cheese grater. You stick it on your hand with glue, you practice crazy ninja moves and then I don’t remember how it goes, but it’s pretty cool and ends up in the gory decapitation of your enemies.

You sound like a real catch – you gather all the incredible qualities of a creative Dungeon Master, or at the very least a rookie F-16 pilot. I was always more into Learjets myself, but I found it nigh-impossible to cope with the foot smell. Not to mention the cabbage. O, the cabbage.

I enjoy yoga, margaritas, walks on the beach, full moons, werewolves, and whatever else it is flaky internet chicks are into at the moment. I only keep cats and goats in the house, but I’d really be interested in learning how to keep feet as well, so I think you’re the perfect woman for me.

I’m also willing to love yer back, assuming it’s not hairy, matey. Arr.

Macarron chacarron,

Buglicker

Freudian Fashion

I suspect that certain fashion statements emerge from having too much spare time on one’s hands and knitting equipment lying nearby. Of course, I don’t even know where to start with the aesthetics of the matter.

Fish and Fashion: a Reply

This post is (at least partially) a response to this comment thread.

Οικωλογία

Photo by Βρομιστεράκι

For my new friend, Marb.

Canadian Whatlevision

If anyone had ever told me that I didn't really watch all that much TV in Canada, I sure as fuck wouldn't have believed them.

...and then I saw this video.

Butt Boxes Galore

Medical fetish? Entertainment? Insanity? I present Dr. Phero!

I don't want to post any tributes, there are enough of those already. Honestly.

For extra credit, give me your spin on the butt boxes.

Naturism and the Romantics

"We cannot adequately appreciate this aspect of nature if we approach it with any taint of human pretense. It will elude us if we allow artifacts like clothing to intervene between ourselves and this Other."

"To apprehend it, we cannot be naked enough."

--Henry David Thoreau

Superman Snugglers

I'm not even gonna poke fun at this with a ten-foot pole.

Κρε(α)τίνοι

Σφίχτεν: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nqMoB0jHkQ

Σφίχτεν: ayto einai to neo moy paixnidi

Σπέκεν: Μάστα, θα το παίρνω κι εγώ το noxplode αλλά δε θα γυμνάζομαι. Έτσι, να κάνω κοιλάρα.

Σπέκεν: Απλά θα την παίζω συνέχεια να μου γίνει μόνστερ.

Σφίχτεν: oxi file asto h energeia poy soy dinei ayto to pragma dne yparxei

Σφίχτεν: shkwna 110 kila kai milaga kai me ton diplano moy asto

Σφίχτεν: tha parw mia mera 3 scoops kai tha erthw sto mo better tha toys spasw oloys sto xylo kai tha fygw

Σφίχτεν: den mporw na katalabw ti skata exoyn balei mesa

Σφίχτεν: exoyn kai propretiary blend den lene

Σφίχτεν: giati einai top seller muscle builder gia 4 xronia

Σπέκεν: Έχουν βάλει τρία κιλά πολτοποιημένο KFC.

Σφίχτεν: re ase oi typoi exoyn xestei sto xrhma ayto poylaei apisteyta

Σφίχτεν: kai logiko soy lew to phra kai epaiza me ta kila

Σφίχτεν: apla meta enoiwtha to swma moy na kaei einai poly dynato

Σφίχτεν: ama to dwseis se kana paidaki ayto tha kapsie flatzes

Σφίχτεν: egw eimai kai 97 kilka

Σφίχτεν: entwmetaxy prepei na pernw 300 gramaria prwteinh thn mera

Σφίχτεν: opote more xapia

Σφίχτεν: oso den pernw prwteinh gemizw me nera kai lipos

Σφίχτεν: posa na pareis apo fai pia

Σπέκεν: Δεν ξέρω. Η δίαιτά μου δεν έχει περίσσιο λίπος, τι να σου πω;

Σφίχτεν: re malaka den einai giayto poy ta theleis

Σφίχτεν: traba pare ena viagra eleos

Σφίχτεν: tha thn paizw mexri na ginei monster leei

Σφίχτεν: xaxaxxaxaa

Σφίχτεν: kreatinh sto poyli?

Σφίχτεν: paizei kai na piasei

Σφίχτεν: me bloating apo ta nera

Σφίχτεν: myikh anaptyksh einai kai ayto

Σπέκεν: Να γεμίζω ένα ποτήρι να το μουλιάζω μια ώρα το πρωί και μια ώρα το βράδυ. :P

Σπέκεν: Όπως όταν πρωτοέκανα το piercing. Τον έβαζα μέσα σε ποτήρι με αλατόνερο για πεντάλεπτο πρωί βράδυ.

Σφίχτεν: oxi re malaka

Σφίχτεν: to pineis ti les

Σφίχτεν: ayto meta apo ena lepto tha ginei poytana xhmeia sketh einai

Σφίχτεν: afoy soy kaiei ligo to stoma

Σπέκεν: (Καλά ρε, τόσο σοβαρά παίρνεις ότι πω; )

Σφίχτεν: xaaxaxaxa

Σφίχτεν: e me tosh kreatinh

Σπέκεν: Για κάτσε μισό, τι πράμα σε καίει λίγο στο στόμα;

Bubba and the Robot Snake

The post’s title is not the name of another shit cartoon show that’ll turn your kids into sociopaths. Seriously. It’s actually a straightforward reference to the following story I came across during my daily feed reading.

(I’ve taken the liberty of underlining those parts of the story I think have had a brush with Outrageous®.)

Plumber uses snake with camera to find cat in wall

Mon May 18, 4:38 pm ET

MARION, Ark. – When Bubba the cat disappeared inside the home he shares with Cheryl and Phillip Albers, they knocked holes in walls looking for him, but he couldn't be found. Bubba's meows could be heard through the night last Monday, Cheryl Albers said, after he vanished following a visit from an air-conditioner repairman.

Bubba normally hides high atop a kitchen cabinet when there is a stranger in the house that he doesn't want to meet, Albers said. He wasn't there, however, after the repairman left.

Taking their cue from where they thought the meowing was coming from, the Albers cut holes in the walls of their dining room, their hallway and their closet. Then, they cut through the floor boards in their attic and ripped out insulation—all to no avail. The meows continued, but there was no sign of the cat making them.

Finally, on Thursday, the Albers called Roto Rooter.

"We're plumbers, not cat finders," Roto Rooter's Fred Simmons told Memphis, Tenn., television station WMC.

But using a camera-equipped metal snake to search between the walls, Simmons turned out to be a cat finder after all.

"We just run the camera down through it and seen two eyes," Simmons said.

Bubba had fallen into a hole in the wall at her favorite hiding place and got stuck in a narrow passageway between the cabinet and the wall. After putting one more hole in the hall closet, Bubba was set free.

"She's really good today," Albers said Friday. "She's eating and drinking and we're all happy again."

In typical cat style, Bubba snubbed the man who saved her life, but her owner couldn't be more grateful.

Simmons said Roto Rooter won't be charging the Albers for the hours spent looking for Bubba.

But Bubba's adventure won't be cheap—they still have to repair the damage they did to their home.

…I feel like I’ve just finished a hyper-jump through space at Ludicrous Speed.

Secretary gymnastics

Yeah, it's pretty impressive, sure. But I still think I'd rather have seen it from a different angle.

Yum.

Ευγένιος Σπαθάρης (2 Ιανουαρίου, 1924 - 9 Μαΐου, 2009)

Τα παιδικά μου χρόνια θα ήταν πολύ διαφορετικά χωρίς εσένα και το έργο σου, Ευγένιε. Ευχαριστώ.


(Η φωτογραφία είναι του Κώστα Καρακαλά, παρμένη χωρίς άδεια από τον ίδιο. Είναι, όμως, σπάνιο και όμορφο στιγμιότυπο, και ο τρόπος με τον οποίο θα ήθελα να θυμάμαι τον Ευγένιο Σπαθάρη. Άλλες φωτογραφίες του Κώστα Καρακαλά μπορούν να βρεθούν εδώ.)

Duck and Cover

We can hide behind our fingers. It’s just as effective at avoiding the necessary solution.

The proof is in the history.

Spam: Is He Out There?‏

I received the following spam mail a couple of days back. I've long ago stopped wondering if people actually fall for this sort of bunk. (I mean, it's neo-Darwinism at its finest if they do: it's unlikely we'll make it through the next couple of centuries with the sort of tolerance and support we show to idiocy.)

Right. Back to the matter at hand, though:

From: Sophiya N. (bpotterfieldn@thepotterfieldgroup.com)
Sent: Wednesday, February 25, 2009 2:19:25 AM
To: [a whole bunch of e-mail addresses -- yes, that "privet"]

Privet, dear

Definitely no games only honesty.Once I was walking down the street in the early morning and I noticed this intricate spider web covered in dew. It looked like a string of pearls greeting the morning sun. The trouble is I had nobody to share this sight with. I should tell you that I don't go for one-night stands or casual sex. I believe that love is built on mutual respect. Respect for time, space, ideas, feelings and each other. I don't like arguing, I am a woman of peace and calm and love. I like romance and good food, quiet times in front of the fireplace. If you need the same, you’ve found me http: //charming-woman.com/greatloves/

Bye
Sophia

I'm trying my best to put myself in the shoes of whomever might feel compelled seriously to consider this, um... alluring invitation to quiet, "privet" times in front of the fireplace.

From: Sophiya N. (bpotterfieldn@thepotterfieldgroup.com)

Wouldn't you at the very least want the name to match the e-mail address, even remotely?

To: [a whole bunch of e-mail addresses -- yes, that "privet"]

I'm not the jealous type, but, seriously, I think this is gonna be an issue. Who're all these other guys? We haven't even started dating yet!

Privet, dear

If I'm gonna have to look up words in the dictionary just to see if they exist, this relationship is already in serious trouble. Especially if your pet name for me is a shrub.

Definitely no games only honesty.Once I was walking down the street in the early morning and I noticed this intricate spider web covered in dew. It looked like a string of pearls greeting the morning sun. The trouble is I had nobody to share this sight with. I should tell you that I don't go for one-night stands or casual sex.

Sophia, simply can't contain my excitement over the honesty. Or the intricate spider web. The dew was just added bonus. I've been out of the game for a while, it had completely slipped my mind that arthropod sightings lead to casual sex. I'd always blamed paganism for the latter.

I believe that love is built on mutual respect. Respect for time, space, ideas, feelings and each other. I don't like arguing, I am a woman of peace and calm and love. I like romance and good food, quiet times in front of the fireplace.

Not to mention you love yoga, walks on the beach, and margaritas. Or you should, anyway. You sound just my type, so I'm sure you're into all that stuff.

If you need the same, you’ve found me http: //charming-woman.com/greatloves/

I didn't find you that URL, you found it yourself. I can't take credit for the kind deeds of oth... hey, wait a minute. What on earth were you looking up there, Sophia? You're looking up charming women? Are all my stereotypical male fantasies about to come true?

Bye
Sophia

Le sigh. Just... le sigh.

Achille Devéria

Achille Jacques-Jean-Marie Devéria was a French painter and lithographer (apparently). I was unaware of his work until... hmmm, I don't even remember WHAT the heck I was looking up on Wikipedia.

Interesting illustrations.

The Prodigy, "Omen"

The Prodigy are back to their old-school goodness. Check it out.

Or don't. (Ornery cuss! Hmph!)

Fail: Covert Security

Hmmm. This should go really well with my Secret Agent jacket...

"Sweetcheeks" Beckham

The Dutch have always been known for their friskiness.

The burden of marriage

"Wife"-carrying competitions: Hong Kong? Finland?

Wherever they originated, wherever they're happening today, they're still pretty fuckin' retarded. Lowest common denominator entertainment strikes again.

Suck my swordhilt

The suggestions in advertising are ever-decreasingly discreet.

On an not-so-unrelated note, it appears the futanari content in Metin 2 is pretty happenin'...

Amanda Palmer, "Leeds United"

I love this video, check it out. Don't forget to click on the option to see the video in HQ, in the bottom right corner.

You can find more Amanda Palmer stuff over here, on YouTube, aaand on the album's website.

A-Team

Nostalgic for the 80's cult TV show? Well, much like midgets in dream sequences, I've got good news for you (or perhaps terrible news, depending on where you stand on such matters). As reported by BBC News yesterday:

Ridley Scott to remake The A-Team

Director Ridley Scott has signed up to produce the big screen remake of 1980s TV show The A-Team, according to industry paper Variety.

The film, due out in 2010, will be updated so that the army veterans will have fought in the Middle East and not in Vietnam, Variety adds.

It says Joe Carnahan will direct and hopes to make a "popcorn movie" that "reflects on the real world".

The cult TV show starred George Peppard as Hannibal and Mr T as BA Baracus.

Dirk Benedict, as Face, and Dwight Schultz, as Murdoch, completed the quartet of mercenaries "accused of a crime they didn't commit".

Carnahan said 20th Century Fox had asked him "to make it as emotional, real and accessible as possible without cheesing it up", Variety added.

Actors including Bruce Willis and Ice Cube have been rumoured to be on board but no names have been confirmed.

Geek porn: Athena Hollow's elven rogue

Yeah, there's porn out there to cover pretty much EVERY fetish. Even half-naked, nubile geek girls rolling up elven rogues.

John Updike (March 18, 1932 – January 27, 2009)

I have never listed him as a favorite author or as a major influence in my writing, but now I feel compelled to admit I always admired his writing. He was a prolific craftsman, even stylist of language, and his passing is a loss for the literary world.

Rest in peace, John Updike.

Religion today: January 28, 2009

It's already been a year since Archbishop Christodoulos of Athens passed away. To honor the anniversary, Το ελληνάκι has made the informative post Αιωνία του η μνήμη, which I urge you to read if you've got a handle on Greek. I don't think I could have preserved the memory any better if I tried.

Instead, today's religion watch focuses on Lagos, Nigeria, and the dangers of witchcraft. In an informative Reuters article, it is revealed that a goat has been detained over armed robbery. More specifically:

Police in Nigeria are holding a goat on suspicion of attempted armed robbery.

Vigilantes took the black and white beast to the police saying it was an armed robber who had used black magic to transform himself into a goat to escape arrest after trying to steal a Mazda 323.

"The group of vigilante men came to report that while they were on patrol they saw some hoodlums attempting to rob a car. They pursued them. However one of them escaped while the other turned into a goat," Kwara state police spokesman Tunde Mohammed told Reuters by telephone.

"We cannot confirm the story, but the goat is in our custody. We cannot base our information on something mystical. It is something that has to be proved scientifically, that a human being turned into a goat," he said.

Hey, if you're gonna believe in virgin births, reincarnation as a slug or flying spaghetti monsters, shapeshifting's not just possible, it's a fact. (Thus spake Nyarlathotep.)

Oh, and here's another hot religious topic over in List of the Day: money messages.

Fail: Candy Store

I half-expect Mo Szyslak to be involved somehow.

"Maya Buttreeks?"

Scar13

Well, this lovely lady posted this photo of hers a couple of days ago on her MySpace profile. Yoinker that I am, I grabbed it and posted it here -- I'm sure one or two people may discover someone new to appreciate in the aftermath.

Of course, if you've got an eye for T3h Pr0n and the cash in your pocket for just such an endeavor, you can always check out her website. (No, I have no personal affiliation with this good lady. The photo just clicked, is all.)

The chicken or the egg?

What came first? Was it Thierry Mugler's fashion fantastic?


Or was it the Van de Graaff electricity generator?



No, I'm not asking seriously. I just have a thing for cheesy head fur today.

Seriously...

...there's nothing I could say about this photo to give it any sort of context. Except, perhaps, "McNosferatu: the Ass Vampire".

It probably explains a lot about the result of the presidential elections.

Palpatine II on YouTube. Dominus!

BBC News reports:

Pope to launch Vatican on YouTube

Pope Benedict XVI is set to have his own dedicated channel on the popular video sharing website, YouTube.

Video and audio footage of his speeches as well as news of the Holy See will be posted on the site, the Vatican says.

Although the Vatican has its own website, the YouTube venture represents its biggest reach into cyberspace, says the BBC's Duncan Kennedy, in Rome.

Officials at the Vatican say it is aimed at everyone from devout Catholics to the casual web browser.

You can find the full story here.

I just have to ask all non-Catholics out there: how bored, exactly, do you have to be to actually watch the Emperor channel?

Cathouse

Satisfied customers = repeat business.

Care for your pet

NOT all bones are suitable for consumption by dogs. Seriously, stop letting your pooch crunch on just anything you don't want on your plate. If you're lucky, it's just gonna hog the toilet for a while.

Practical living tips: Jehova's Witnesses

Don't you just love it when your doorbell rings when you're happily under the covers? I sure do! Especially because my doorbell doesn't even have my name (or any name) on it. It's pretty much a guarantee that merry visitor is eager to solicit something.

Bastages.

What did you do in the Navy, daddy?

Photo by Ευάγγελος. Check out more of his work here.

1. I learned the true use of knots.
2. I held candles.
3. I learned diets can be overrated.

Breakdance, ja!

Why the Axis Lost the War, Reason 1: Fritz just couldn't get his head around the 6-step.

Fail: Hands Free

Image reproduced without permission from FAIL Blog.

Hands free! Now with more hands!

Tubarific!

♪♫♪ Pweep! ♪♫♪

No, I'm not THAT much of a music lover. I'm just yoinking an image from List of the Day about funny and unusual 404 pages found here.

Tootles!

Guantanamo!

(image reproduced from BBC News without permission)

Not for the vanilla!

Seriously, though, I'm keeping my fingers crossed about this whole shutting down Guantanamo thin. And, please please please, the possibly eventually getting the hell outta Cuba thing. (I mean, the U.S. is paying rent cheques the Cuban government isn't cashing in. We love Cuban cigars. Their rum is better than that Bacardi urine. It's just redorkulous.)

...but I'm not holding my breath.

Better safe than sorry

Some things in life can easily be explained...

...such as alcoholism.

Inauguration

Lest we forget that we invariably get what we wish for.

I'm glad Obama won, don't get me wrong, but I'm not excited enough to consider yesterday's Hollywoodesque ceremony justified.

(image reproduced from BBC News without permission)