Spam: Is He Out There?‏

I received the following spam mail a couple of days back. I've long ago stopped wondering if people actually fall for this sort of bunk. (I mean, it's neo-Darwinism at its finest if they do: it's unlikely we'll make it through the next couple of centuries with the sort of tolerance and support we show to idiocy.)

Right. Back to the matter at hand, though:

From: Sophiya N. (bpotterfieldn@thepotterfieldgroup.com)
Sent: Wednesday, February 25, 2009 2:19:25 AM
To: [a whole bunch of e-mail addresses -- yes, that "privet"]

Privet, dear

Definitely no games only honesty.Once I was walking down the street in the early morning and I noticed this intricate spider web covered in dew. It looked like a string of pearls greeting the morning sun. The trouble is I had nobody to share this sight with. I should tell you that I don't go for one-night stands or casual sex. I believe that love is built on mutual respect. Respect for time, space, ideas, feelings and each other. I don't like arguing, I am a woman of peace and calm and love. I like romance and good food, quiet times in front of the fireplace. If you need the same, you’ve found me http: //charming-woman.com/greatloves/

Bye
Sophia

I'm trying my best to put myself in the shoes of whomever might feel compelled seriously to consider this, um... alluring invitation to quiet, "privet" times in front of the fireplace.

From: Sophiya N. (bpotterfieldn@thepotterfieldgroup.com)

Wouldn't you at the very least want the name to match the e-mail address, even remotely?

To: [a whole bunch of e-mail addresses -- yes, that "privet"]

I'm not the jealous type, but, seriously, I think this is gonna be an issue. Who're all these other guys? We haven't even started dating yet!

Privet, dear

If I'm gonna have to look up words in the dictionary just to see if they exist, this relationship is already in serious trouble. Especially if your pet name for me is a shrub.

Definitely no games only honesty.Once I was walking down the street in the early morning and I noticed this intricate spider web covered in dew. It looked like a string of pearls greeting the morning sun. The trouble is I had nobody to share this sight with. I should tell you that I don't go for one-night stands or casual sex.

Sophia, simply can't contain my excitement over the honesty. Or the intricate spider web. The dew was just added bonus. I've been out of the game for a while, it had completely slipped my mind that arthropod sightings lead to casual sex. I'd always blamed paganism for the latter.

I believe that love is built on mutual respect. Respect for time, space, ideas, feelings and each other. I don't like arguing, I am a woman of peace and calm and love. I like romance and good food, quiet times in front of the fireplace.

Not to mention you love yoga, walks on the beach, and margaritas. Or you should, anyway. You sound just my type, so I'm sure you're into all that stuff.

If you need the same, you’ve found me http: //charming-woman.com/greatloves/

I didn't find you that URL, you found it yourself. I can't take credit for the kind deeds of oth... hey, wait a minute. What on earth were you looking up there, Sophia? You're looking up charming women? Are all my stereotypical male fantasies about to come true?

Bye
Sophia

Le sigh. Just... le sigh.