Q&A, 2009-09-11

Κλασερίνα says:
Ερώτηξις: όταν δε γουστάρεις κάποιον και ξαφνικά αρχίζεις να τον ψιλογουστάρεις τι σημαίνει;

Ζόιντμπεργκ says:
Σημαίνει ότι έγινε πραξικόπημα στην Ονδούρα.

Spotting Quiz: July 23, 2009

It’s barely 10 A.M. and I’m already having a terrible day. I dislocated my right knee a couple of days and it’s feeling more sore today than it was yesterday. I must have slept crooked or something (or at least done weird gymnastics in my sleep) because my left shoulder's in pain.

I asked for an espresso freddo at the coffee shop and got a cappuccino freddo instead. The crazy bag lady sitting next to me in the metro stank of sweaty oranges, so I changed seats, but, naturally, I could smell the sweaty oranges even more from a distance.

My sister’s off work for a couple of days, so I have to deal with all the silly stuff; today’s Technology Breakdown Day, so I think I’ve slowly been developing a high blood pressure over the course of the last couple of hours and I’ve got another six hours to go.

AND fuckin’ Facebook decided today might be the best possible day to pull maintenance on my profile – who the fuck needs to release stress, huh? Not I! (Pretend my eye’s not twitching. Seriously. I dare you.)

At least, I got a chance to work through five days of neglected RSS feeds, and I came across the following gem.

Can you spot the ten disturbing elements in this picture?

I await your answers!

“(No Subject)”

From: Senator Tawar Wada (tawarwada.office@gmail.com)
Sent: Sunday, July 05, 2009 12:45:01 AM
To:

SENATOR TAWAR WADA
NATIONAL ASSEMBLY COMPLEX
ABUJA, NIGERIA.

Attn

My name is SENATOR TAWAR WADA, Former Chairman of FINANCE AND APPROPRIATION NOW CHAIRMAN ON SENATE COMMITTEE ON INFORMATION in the Senate National Assembly of the Federal Republic of Nigeria.

You can view my information on this is http://www.nassnig.org/senate/members.php?page=7

I am writing you to earnestly Solicit for your assistance in helping to receive some funds into your account for safe investment. I got your e-mail address through an Internet marketing firm while searching for
a reliable and reputable person to handle this transaction.

Details Of Funds

We have the sum of US$29,000,000.00 (Twenty-Nine Million Dollars) that we intend to transfer overseas through the assistance of a foreign partner.This money came as a result of Over provision in the budget for unclaimed pension and accident insurance.This over provision was done by my committee, but all payments have been made to beneficiaries leaving behind the over budgeted amount of US$29,000,000.00 which is deposited in the Nigeria Deposit Bank here in Nigeria.

I have agreed to transfer the funds overseas for my campaign funding and other investment purposes with your help. I am contacting you therefore, to stand in as the beneficiary to process this fund into your custody, As soon as you consent to this I will immediately send you title documents to the fund in your name so you can make claim for it.

I will provide you with 30% for assisting me and 10% to be set aside for reimbursement for any expenses that may arise during the course of concluding the transaction. The fund shall be transferred to you legally in accordance to all laid down procedures governing transfer of funds,I have perfected all modalities for the successful transfer of this money to you as the beneficiary.

Finally, I have to reassure you that this transaction is risk free and should be kept absolutely confidential, Presently you can reach me by return mail, you should also include your telephone numbers if any, for secured communication between us Please send a mail to my mail box to indicate your interest to enable me proceed with the documentation.

Please when replying this mail endeavour to put the following details.Full Name,Full addresses(including state,city,Post) ,24hours phone number and occupation.You can also reach me on my phone number anytime which is below my name.I will send you my personal details and further directive on how to go about this funds transfer when you must have reply this mail

Thank you for your anticipated cooperation. I await your response.

---

Esteemed Senator Wada,

I am most honored and exuberant that you have selected my humble personage from among the multitudes of internet users. This opportunity will provide for all my dreams, and those of my children, and my children’s children. Quite possibly even their children, too.

My full name is Blanche Marie Elizabeth Hollingsworth Devereaux and I currently reside at 6151 Richmond Street, Miami, FL. You can reach me at all hours on telephone number (305) 328-7448, and I am the owner of The Golden Palace Hotel.

Yours sincerely,

B. M. E. Deveraux

"Done getting to know myself...‏"

From: Sophia N (ferreira@kernfarm.com)
Sent: Saturday, July 04, 2009 3:39:16 PM
To: a bunch of people

Hi there

Love is like heaven, but it can hurt like hell.

I like adventures, and enjoy opening new feelings and emotions. I am open-minded and easy going girl. I think I have a strong personality. I have very good family. I am serious, reasonable, and reliable but at the same time I am sociable, friendly and I like to meet new people who can always give me some good advice and share their experience.

I like to read classical and modern literature, I also like going in for different kinds of sport and to teach other people how to keep feet. I am the woman who is able to love all soul! I like nature and the sea, spending time outside. I have diverse interests.

My dream is to meet a nice guy, who I will fall in love with and who will love me back.

Person to have a beautiful and cosy time with.

I am here http://best-only-love.com/great/

Sincerely yourth
Sofy

---

Hello there, Thofy!

I was always told that love is like a cheese grater. You stick it on your hand with glue, you practice crazy ninja moves and then I don’t remember how it goes, but it’s pretty cool and ends up in the gory decapitation of your enemies.

You sound like a real catch – you gather all the incredible qualities of a creative Dungeon Master, or at the very least a rookie F-16 pilot. I was always more into Learjets myself, but I found it nigh-impossible to cope with the foot smell. Not to mention the cabbage. O, the cabbage.

I enjoy yoga, margaritas, walks on the beach, full moons, werewolves, and whatever else it is flaky internet chicks are into at the moment. I only keep cats and goats in the house, but I’d really be interested in learning how to keep feet as well, so I think you’re the perfect woman for me.

I’m also willing to love yer back, assuming it’s not hairy, matey. Arr.

Macarron chacarron,

Buglicker

Freudian Fashion

I suspect that certain fashion statements emerge from having too much spare time on one’s hands and knitting equipment lying nearby. Of course, I don’t even know where to start with the aesthetics of the matter.

Fish and Fashion: a Reply

This post is (at least partially) a response to this comment thread.

Οικωλογία

Photo by Βρομιστεράκι

For my new friend, Marb.

Canadian Whatlevision

If anyone had ever told me that I didn't really watch all that much TV in Canada, I sure as fuck wouldn't have believed them.

...and then I saw this video.

Butt Boxes Galore

Medical fetish? Entertainment? Insanity? I present Dr. Phero!

I don't want to post any tributes, there are enough of those already. Honestly.

For extra credit, give me your spin on the butt boxes.

Naturism and the Romantics

"We cannot adequately appreciate this aspect of nature if we approach it with any taint of human pretense. It will elude us if we allow artifacts like clothing to intervene between ourselves and this Other."

"To apprehend it, we cannot be naked enough."

--Henry David Thoreau

Superman Snugglers

I'm not even gonna poke fun at this with a ten-foot pole.

Κρε(α)τίνοι

Σφίχτεν: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nqMoB0jHkQ

Σφίχτεν: ayto einai to neo moy paixnidi

Σπέκεν: Μάστα, θα το παίρνω κι εγώ το noxplode αλλά δε θα γυμνάζομαι. Έτσι, να κάνω κοιλάρα.

Σπέκεν: Απλά θα την παίζω συνέχεια να μου γίνει μόνστερ.

Σφίχτεν: oxi file asto h energeia poy soy dinei ayto to pragma dne yparxei

Σφίχτεν: shkwna 110 kila kai milaga kai me ton diplano moy asto

Σφίχτεν: tha parw mia mera 3 scoops kai tha erthw sto mo better tha toys spasw oloys sto xylo kai tha fygw

Σφίχτεν: den mporw na katalabw ti skata exoyn balei mesa

Σφίχτεν: exoyn kai propretiary blend den lene

Σφίχτεν: giati einai top seller muscle builder gia 4 xronia

Σπέκεν: Έχουν βάλει τρία κιλά πολτοποιημένο KFC.

Σφίχτεν: re ase oi typoi exoyn xestei sto xrhma ayto poylaei apisteyta

Σφίχτεν: kai logiko soy lew to phra kai epaiza me ta kila

Σφίχτεν: apla meta enoiwtha to swma moy na kaei einai poly dynato

Σφίχτεν: ama to dwseis se kana paidaki ayto tha kapsie flatzes

Σφίχτεν: egw eimai kai 97 kilka

Σφίχτεν: entwmetaxy prepei na pernw 300 gramaria prwteinh thn mera

Σφίχτεν: opote more xapia

Σφίχτεν: oso den pernw prwteinh gemizw me nera kai lipos

Σφίχτεν: posa na pareis apo fai pia

Σπέκεν: Δεν ξέρω. Η δίαιτά μου δεν έχει περίσσιο λίπος, τι να σου πω;

Σφίχτεν: re malaka den einai giayto poy ta theleis

Σφίχτεν: traba pare ena viagra eleos

Σφίχτεν: tha thn paizw mexri na ginei monster leei

Σφίχτεν: xaxaxxaxaa

Σφίχτεν: kreatinh sto poyli?

Σφίχτεν: paizei kai na piasei

Σφίχτεν: me bloating apo ta nera

Σφίχτεν: myikh anaptyksh einai kai ayto

Σπέκεν: Να γεμίζω ένα ποτήρι να το μουλιάζω μια ώρα το πρωί και μια ώρα το βράδυ. :P

Σπέκεν: Όπως όταν πρωτοέκανα το piercing. Τον έβαζα μέσα σε ποτήρι με αλατόνερο για πεντάλεπτο πρωί βράδυ.

Σφίχτεν: oxi re malaka

Σφίχτεν: to pineis ti les

Σφίχτεν: ayto meta apo ena lepto tha ginei poytana xhmeia sketh einai

Σφίχτεν: afoy soy kaiei ligo to stoma

Σπέκεν: (Καλά ρε, τόσο σοβαρά παίρνεις ότι πω; )

Σφίχτεν: xaaxaxaxa

Σφίχτεν: e me tosh kreatinh

Σπέκεν: Για κάτσε μισό, τι πράμα σε καίει λίγο στο στόμα;

Bubba and the Robot Snake

The post’s title is not the name of another shit cartoon show that’ll turn your kids into sociopaths. Seriously. It’s actually a straightforward reference to the following story I came across during my daily feed reading.

(I’ve taken the liberty of underlining those parts of the story I think have had a brush with Outrageous®.)

Plumber uses snake with camera to find cat in wall

Mon May 18, 4:38 pm ET

MARION, Ark. – When Bubba the cat disappeared inside the home he shares with Cheryl and Phillip Albers, they knocked holes in walls looking for him, but he couldn't be found. Bubba's meows could be heard through the night last Monday, Cheryl Albers said, after he vanished following a visit from an air-conditioner repairman.

Bubba normally hides high atop a kitchen cabinet when there is a stranger in the house that he doesn't want to meet, Albers said. He wasn't there, however, after the repairman left.

Taking their cue from where they thought the meowing was coming from, the Albers cut holes in the walls of their dining room, their hallway and their closet. Then, they cut through the floor boards in their attic and ripped out insulation—all to no avail. The meows continued, but there was no sign of the cat making them.

Finally, on Thursday, the Albers called Roto Rooter.

"We're plumbers, not cat finders," Roto Rooter's Fred Simmons told Memphis, Tenn., television station WMC.

But using a camera-equipped metal snake to search between the walls, Simmons turned out to be a cat finder after all.

"We just run the camera down through it and seen two eyes," Simmons said.

Bubba had fallen into a hole in the wall at her favorite hiding place and got stuck in a narrow passageway between the cabinet and the wall. After putting one more hole in the hall closet, Bubba was set free.

"She's really good today," Albers said Friday. "She's eating and drinking and we're all happy again."

In typical cat style, Bubba snubbed the man who saved her life, but her owner couldn't be more grateful.

Simmons said Roto Rooter won't be charging the Albers for the hours spent looking for Bubba.

But Bubba's adventure won't be cheap—they still have to repair the damage they did to their home.

…I feel like I’ve just finished a hyper-jump through space at Ludicrous Speed.

Secretary gymnastics

Yeah, it's pretty impressive, sure. But I still think I'd rather have seen it from a different angle.

Yum.

Fail: Covert Security

Hmmm. This should go really well with my Secret Agent jacket...

"Sweetcheeks" Beckham

The Dutch have always been known for their friskiness.

The burden of marriage

"Wife"-carrying competitions: Hong Kong? Finland?

Wherever they originated, wherever they're happening today, they're still pretty fuckin' retarded. Lowest common denominator entertainment strikes again.

Suck my swordhilt

The suggestions in advertising are ever-decreasingly discreet.

On an not-so-unrelated note, it appears the futanari content in Metin 2 is pretty happenin'...

Geek porn: Athena Hollow's elven rogue

Yeah, there's porn out there to cover pretty much EVERY fetish. Even half-naked, nubile geek girls rolling up elven rogues.

Religion today: January 28, 2009

It's already been a year since Archbishop Christodoulos of Athens passed away. To honor the anniversary, Το ελληνάκι has made the informative post Αιωνία του η μνήμη, which I urge you to read if you've got a handle on Greek. I don't think I could have preserved the memory any better if I tried.

Instead, today's religion watch focuses on Lagos, Nigeria, and the dangers of witchcraft. In an informative Reuters article, it is revealed that a goat has been detained over armed robbery. More specifically:

Police in Nigeria are holding a goat on suspicion of attempted armed robbery.

Vigilantes took the black and white beast to the police saying it was an armed robber who had used black magic to transform himself into a goat to escape arrest after trying to steal a Mazda 323.

"The group of vigilante men came to report that while they were on patrol they saw some hoodlums attempting to rob a car. They pursued them. However one of them escaped while the other turned into a goat," Kwara state police spokesman Tunde Mohammed told Reuters by telephone.

"We cannot confirm the story, but the goat is in our custody. We cannot base our information on something mystical. It is something that has to be proved scientifically, that a human being turned into a goat," he said.

Hey, if you're gonna believe in virgin births, reincarnation as a slug or flying spaghetti monsters, shapeshifting's not just possible, it's a fact. (Thus spake Nyarlathotep.)

Oh, and here's another hot religious topic over in List of the Day: money messages.